another normal day. is it just me or are we on really good terms for today? i guess it's that we are on good terms today ba. accompanied her home after school. saw her in hall just now dunno doing what to another guy. so i asked and i got my answer. sigh. *stabs myself* nvm. i tolerate. was feelin so so jealoused.. but what can i do. start another quarrel? of course not. i kept quiet board the bus and i accidently did some thing which irritated her. i apologise. but also no use.. kanna attitude for whole bus ride. and she lied to me she is not jealous or angry. which i do not believe. apologised again. she accepted le. she apologise too. i accepted too. then we go talk talk. talk about how she is going to go out with friends during exams period next friday when i had not go out with her for dunno how long le. she told me maybe she will not be going. but. i predict it won't happen. it's her best boy friend after all. last time another best boy friend also must she go le. talk till half way she said something which really hurt me. why must him be taken out as an example all the time? why him. i understand he is ur 2nd stead while i am just the 3rd. why must he be taken out all the time. do u still speak about him as often? do u still contact him? why remind me he is coming back in november? is she anticipating his return? the return of some one who speaks bad of me? of some one who does not even exsists? sigh. she has fallen in love so deeply with him i guess. till a point she broke with me because of that imaginary guy. hai. what can i do. i did not voice out. just kept quiet and let my tears flow inwards. jealously. sigh. how worse can it get? tell me. i really might explode if i keep too much. but yet she do not want me to say out. hai. then that hypocrite. sigh. why must he care so much. why.. why does he interfere so much. i placed a curse on a voodoo doll and ripped it apart hoping it was him. but once again. i know no black magic. and my dream of tearing him apart was not fufilled. he really make me feel so jealous. so insecure. hai. flowing inwards.