never even like friends



today was our school's open house and i went to find her. rui qi was doing maths for her class teacher? or something like this. magic. l o l. went up with mt and zk. saw her. and wow. she was loitering outside at the corridor instead of doing her magic. and up in my head i wonder. friends > me as a friend? if not why did not even reply me. then i walked over to her. immediately she goes. i want go in ler. bye bye bye bye bye. how many bye did she said. i do not know. over 10? am i even like a friend? if i am why can't we talk. afraid? nvm. after that rui qi went to jp. and wow. 2 hours plus. loitering there. not doing anything but shop. grats u got ur freedom. wondering how many guys caught the attention of you.

smsed her when she got home. and guess what? fell asleep. slow reply. nvm. i dun expect much. not like friends after all. wonder if she will give her close friends this excuse. went online. chat with her. behave like a jerk like how i was portrayed. got her irritated and i got proud of it. why? not meant for you to know. just wan to provoke you for a certain reason. chat half way she did not talk to me. when she finally find me back she told me talk to adeline. i asked and who esle she immediately tried avoiding th topic by saying

|l VoNz l| [Y.I.P.P rox]+-vOnLnIc-+itsnorttheend+ [[wo aii ni``]] woyaoshouhuzheni.. says:
ade sis sch so good

isn't that obvious that she is avoiding? but i still forced it out from her. and she happens to be chatting to?

|l VoNz l| [Y.I.P.P rox]+-vOnLnIc-+itsnorttheend+ [[wo aii ni``]] woyaoshouhuzheni.. says:
i dunnoe him tho. is last yr know one.

|l VoNz l| [Y.I.P.P rox]+-vOnLnIc-+itsnorttheend+ [[wo aii ni``]] woyaoshouhuzheni.. says:
erm. the one i know thru maple lo.

wow. cool. a online friend huh? how many more are there out there who are your online friends. do you feel guilty for keeping such things from me? probably not as it does not matters much. but what worse is. you confided in him. a guy you do not even know. a guy you knew just through maple. a guy whom find you to talk to you and which u willingly talk back to him. and to add on. you brought me in. why. why portray me as a fucking son of a bitch all the time. why talk bad behind me so many times. why. you eve dare to admit. that this is not the first time. remember andrew? who esle. ben? i dun really know. do not know why must there always be such boyfriends. why? why not girl friends. why always guys guys and more guys. even a guy known through maple whom you do not even know. stands at a higher status then me. if not. why stop talking to me just to reply adeline and him. and i do no even know his name. do you even feel guilty now. what if i confided in a stranger. a stranger you know. not some close friends. A STRANGER. will you get the same feeligns? will you feel jealous. and when asked why i said i nid some one to talk to. and that female stranger happens to talk to me. won you feel jealous? or do you even have any feelings for me left? yes i do confide in female friends. but that was like how long ago? why can't you just stick to pam. why go on a search for another good listener. why can't you just talk to me instead. can't. why? cause i just have that loser attitude? cause u hate me? or just simply because you don't wanna talk to me. i dunno. everytime you angry. be it msn phone maple sms. you just ignore me and keep saying bye repeatedly. or keep asking to hang up. or at most of the times. just hang up. why do you have every single chance to talk. but yet i do not.

you may say that i am overboard by threatening to add him and ask him to fuck off. but lol. guess what. you fell into my trap. this simply shows taht even as a online stranger , HE is more important then me. right? am i in any wrong to say that. guess not? i simply do not understand. why can't i be a friend as good as qi ming maybe? he's good right. or any other guy friends u have. i dunno. just a friend. why can't . you do not give them attitude or what. but why me. why still me. cause i don't change.? well. i hope you know. i am not a robot. as said by you. i can't change overnight. wan me to change? terminate my love for you then. then it will change. i wont care about you.

you said you will be happier if we are friends and is alerady happy that we are friends now. when asked why you can't tell me why. guess you just want to be happy and be yourself. then i suggestion to you is. stop loving me then. it's pointless when we love each other and can't be together while all i can do is sit down here. get jealoused attitudes angry at stuffs. no point. well. consider it? stop loving me then. end of your misery. and so you wont even have to tolerate me anymore. me and my nonsensical questions. well. consider ba. for i know. next monday. you answer will still be remain as friends. and i know. i won't take it. and i know. i still won't let you go. i will still pester you and be irritating. i will still disturb you. till the day i got what i wan.





















Rui Qi, ni ba wo gao de tuan tuan zhuang.
Dao di , ji shi wo chai hui gao xing.